We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
