remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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