wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
