He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
