i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
