Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
