Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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