Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
