so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize