I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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