somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
