Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You can't special order awesome
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
