My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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