Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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