Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize