When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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