do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
