We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
