If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
