You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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