The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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