god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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