I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize