i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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