I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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