a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
