I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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