i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
