i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
