my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
