Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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