you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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