Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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