i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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