honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
