dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
