he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
