can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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