We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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