Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When are your genitals available?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
