when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
