my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
