how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
