I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
