My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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