Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize