So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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