Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
