Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
