Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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