I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
