peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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