If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im holly from the hills drunk
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
