We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
