Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
