Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm at about main and main street
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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