Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
