i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
