I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm always down for nudity.
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