is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
