So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
