Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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