Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize