sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
