i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
