Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
