My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
