Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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