oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
