i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
