Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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