you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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