is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
