I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
