if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
