Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize