Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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