I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
