omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Green mimosas i think yes
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
