No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
